How does the Martian Translator work?

Love is complicated when we come from 2 separate planets.

 

This isn't a gimmick. This isn't a random advice generator. This is direct access to someone that may be able to help. Just Click on the 'send me your problems' link below and if I am online I can chat to you straight away. 

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If I am offline (as I also unfortunately have a proper job and annoying kids to feed and stuff) then I will get back to you by the end of the day. 

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Ideally please send me a copy of the message you have received and ideally some background as this has worked best in the past. 

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And finally, be prepared for the truth. 

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You might not like it but if you didn't want the advice you shouldn't have asked.

 

As a disclaimer I should of course say that this isn't foolproof. After all everyone is different and that is what makes us wonderful but what I can say that in the large majority of the time when it comes to relationships guys are fairly easy to understand 

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If you speak Martian.